The War Horse

All of you aspiring Scarsdales out there trying to invent the newest diet phenomenon should not worry about the latest concept coming down the pike. It's called" intuitive " dieting. The idea is that you shouldn't be concerned about what you eat or how much--- just listen and your body will "tell" you when it's full.I've run into a lot of "deaf" people lately or else they are ignoring what their bodies are telling them.Maybe they should call this the "No Diet Diet". Sir, can I biggie size your order?

When I was leaving the course where I often walk, a man stopped me and asked if I knew how long the course was, and I answered "6003 feet". Seeing that he still had a somewhat puzzled look, I added "and that's 1.14 miles. Early on I had used a calculator on that one. The 6003 number is posted, and the fellow just missed it. This episode got me to thinking again about why such an odd distance. Here is a possibility------ Back in the 1960's, the City Engineer told one of his men in the Maintenance Department (his name was Earl) to measure a one mile course and he would do a drawing for the mayor to approve. Earl and his assistant (Bubba) did just that and had a bulldozer ready to do the work. Hold everything! The mayor said that he had to first get permission from the lawyers and the Planning Board that met the third Friday of each month. The environmental folks would have to be satisfied that there was adequate protection for the habitat of a yellow spotted muskrat which had been seen in a nearby creek. A real political wrangle was brewing over who the course would be named after which kept everything on hold for months. Meanwhile, one day when Earl was cleaning all of the Mc Donald burger wrappers out of his truck, he accidentally threw out the engineered drawing of the course. Lo and behold, the City Engineer called and said he wanted the course laid out immediately because the mayor had an upcoming photo op with the Governor of North Carolina, no less. That's when Earl found out the drawing was missing. He and Bubba rushed down to the course, and things just got worse. Many rainstorms over all that time when things were on hold had washed away the markings that Earl and Bubba had so carefully done. Earl panicked because he just knew his boss would fire him and then where would he get the money for his daughter Billie Jean's braces? There was only one thing left to do------ estimate. Earl had Bubba step off the distance, but the problem was that Bubba wore a size 16 shoe. Earl put up a sign on the finished route that said "Course 1 mile", and hoped no one would be the wiser. Complaints started coming in soon after the course officially opened, but were ignored for about 40 years. Finally, long after all the principal players were retired or deceased, some VIP complained that his track star son had never run a mile that slowly, the course was re-measured, and the present day sign, "Course 6003 feet" was erected. Now of course this story is fictional--- or is it?

I was waiting to have a key made at the hardware store today, and I stopped at the pet section and spied the "Wonder Fluff Silent Dog Whistle" for $2.99. I turned it over and read these directions:
" Wait until your dog is sleeping. Blow the whistle while slightly adjusting the pitch by turning the screw ring. Pitch should be adjusted until your dog's ears and head pick up. When this happens you have tuned your dog to his frequency pitch. You are now ready to train your dog to answer." I was really getting excited about the product until that last sentence. How will Lucy the WonderDog "answer the whistle"? Does she magically know that the whistle means to quit eating the sofa? Does she truly answer with some dog-coded bark like three woofs mean I have to go out? I wonder when wives will make a whistle that only husbands can hear?

It amazes me that sports players thank God for helping them win the game. Does that mean that God hates the other guys and made them lose because they were devil worshipers? My college team even has a name (Deacons) that should guarantee victory, but they've lost three straight conference games. Duke's "Blue Devils" should lose every game(well, in football they just about do!). Just think, if religion influenced victory, all coaches would be replaced by rabbis, priests, and ministers. Faith healers would replace the training staff. Team meetings would be prayer meetings, and play books would become prayer books. Geez--- Pat Robertson would be Commissioner of the NFL!

I saw a TV piece today about a father who abandoned his wife and children. The adult son said that he would welcome his father back on any terms that he chose. What a great son!

See you later.

Tim