The War Horse

I was in the parking lot of a local bank, and was talking to a young woman who had driven up in a New Volkswagen Beetle. Of course she could hardly identify with the old "Bug". No air condition, a heater that was operated by turning a knob on the floor, and of course no automatic transmission were all standard back then. I loved our pale green vintage 60's model. I learned how to slide it around corners , at times going up on two wheels without a disaster--- that is until I slid it into the driveway, not realizing that my Dad had come home early from work that day. My driving was curtailed for quite awhile. It's too bad that the new version is known for quality problems given its appeal to those in the Boomer Generation who can certainly tell stories about their nostalgic experiences with them. ( I can do without the flower vase!)

What do you think of those metal detecting devices that you see people using to find hidden treasures at the beach or a park or wherever a lot of folks have gathered? I doubt whether anyone should quit their day job and try to make a living of it, but it looks like fun. Of course, I don't need one because my thing is to explore under the cushions of my favorite chair. About once a month, a good "shakedown" will yield enough coinage for a Happy Meal at Mc Cafe and if you add the take found in the washing machine and dryer, you could be in BigMac territory. I wonder if Bill Gates and Michael Jordan leave many hundred dollar bills in pants that go through the wash? Hey Michael, need anyone to take that hamper to the laundry?

My favorite Chinese restaurant (owned by Alan) has little paper placemats that have Chinese signs of the Zodiac. All of their signs are represented by animals, and I am very appropriately the Ox. I guess that's why I am so clumsy with anything more than tightening a screw. The latest advice was that I should not marry a snake, which I guess some men do, so instead I married a "Tiger". Hmmmmm? Maybe George Bush is a great guy after all given that he is a "Dog", and I knew this stuff was right on the money when it turns out that Cheney was---- You guessed it--- a snake! Let's also provide those guys with one of those black 8-balls; you remember, you asked it a question, flipped it over, and read the answer in a little window where the message floated. (the ball was filled with water). Let's see--- Where are the weapons of mass destruction to be found? Well, enough of that--- Hey, Rumsfeld, bring the tea leaves in here, would you?

"The same man is not skilled in everything; each has his own special excellence."
___ Euripides

See you later.

Tim

I'm not the greatest photographer in the world, but when you're taking pictures of some of the Creator's best work you hardly have to work at it to get some nice scenes. This one is shot from the balcony where our second home is on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. The pier you see in the distance is no longer there, the victim of a hurricane. Whenever I am here, the weight of the world gets much lighter, and there is a serenity that is hard to describe without using spiritual terms. The time of year after the beginning of school in September to about the end of May is my favorite for the same reason that everyone else is opposite. Suntan oil, searing heat, heavier traffic, and all of those people are what I like least, and walking the beach with a cool breeze, hunting shells, fishing, and watching the dolphins go by is what I like most.

Since I have experienced this for about nine years not including the countless vacations we spent in the area before we got our place, I have noticed that even the weather makes no difference in my mood. A good storm or a fog and once even a bit of snow were just as beautiful as a sunny day. I guess it's the real appreciation of the power of the sea that plays a part in that.

This weekend, my wife and Lucy The WonderDog are enjoying their stay there, while I oversee the new concrete walkways being set up here at home. Which one would you rather be doing? Maybe I could train the WonderDog to bark commands at the workmen? I guess not. I will show you and comment on some of my favorite places at Pine Knoll Shores, N.C. later. Hey, Darnell, drop that grade a few degrees, would you?

"Nowhere can man find a quieter or more untroubled retreat than in his own soul."
__ Marcus Aurelius

See you later.

Tim

What in the world would the picture above possibly have to do with decreasing energy costs? These signs may no longer be needed if folks in San Francisco get their newest project off the ground. They are working on a plan to use "pet stuff" to generate gas that could be used for power. It seems that there is a gizmo called a methane digester that breaks down the aforementioned material and converts it to methane gas. I love this idea even though it did come from California where most of the craziest people in America live. The prospects are endless! Lucy The WonderDog could be worth a fortune, given her prolific capabilities to produce "energy material". She alone could heat the city of Cleveland and have enough left over to keep city busses running in my town. Animal shelters would become the replacement for those nasty oil refineries that you see with the huge smokestacks spouting those awful black clouds into the sky. This would also be a project that even the worst of politicians could vote for given their own familiarity with bull----uh-well, you know what I mean. Dick Cheney could talk to the Saudis about camels in the future versus worrying about oil . Hey, honey, time to feed the WonderDog--- it's getting cold in here!

My wife and I did not meet on the dance floor, and a night on the town does not include any form of that graceful art. My crude attempts at it could be dangerous to her health. Can you imagine going from "dry land" to ice, and trying all of those acrobatics you see in the Winter Olympics ice dancing events? What if there was such a thing as ice dancing in the Senior Olympics? How would you put the walkers in the mix? The standby medical teams would have to do major orthopedic surgery after every round. Of course, I could be way off in my thinking here. Let's see how Dorothy Hamill does in about 30 more years. Let's put the blades on, dear, time for me to throw you up over my head a time or two!

Henry David Thoreau has a chapter in his book, Walden, entitled "Solitude". He presents a very interesting view of the value of being alone with one's own thoughts. This quote from his book describes his initial feelings, and how they changed---
" I have never felt lonesome,or in the least oppressed by a sense of solitude, but once, and that was a few weeks after I came to the woods,when, for an hour, I doubted if the near neighborhood of man was not essential to a serene and healthy life. To be alone was something unpleasant. But I was at the same time conscious of a slight insanity in my mood, and seemed to forsee my recovery. In the midst of a gentle rain while these thoughts prevailed, I was suddenly sensible of such sweet and beneficent society in Nature, in the very pattering of the drops, and in every sound and sight around my house, an infinite and unaccountable friendliness all at once like an atmosphere sustaining me , as made the fancied advantages of human neighborhood insignificant, and I have never thought of them since."

Maybe a little practice on this one would be of benefit. It reminds me of my youngest daughter's teenage experience with Outward Bound where a kid spends 24 hours in complete silence and isolation in a shelter they make with their own hands. She still talks about it to this day. I think that just chasing away life's clutter for a small period of time each day would be a good start.

See you later.

Tim

Does the house in the picture look fairly comfortable to you? It looks like the fellow at the entrance is happy enough. The house is also well situated with plenty of shade and nice scenery. Well, this is a replica of Henry David Thoreau's house at Walden Pond. In his book he describes it as being "tight shingled and plastered,ten feet wide by fifteen long, and eight foot posts, with a garret(attic) and a closet, a large window on each side, two trap doors, one door at the end, and a brick fireplace opposite." There's no mention of a bathroom, but it looks to me like Henry probably did things "wild bear style".
Henry goes on to say that he built the house himself (free labor), and the total cost was $28.12. Based on the size at 150 square feet, he paid a little under nineteen cents per square foot. You may have seen my recent post on Bill Gates' house in Seattle. I did a little research and found that the estimated value of Bill's house today is 97 million dollars, but to be fair let's use the 1997 tax value of $53,392,200 and square footage of about 66,000 . Bill's cost per square foot is a tad higher than Henry's 19 cents--- more like $808.97 or 4,257 times higher. Granted that inflation must be considered, but if Jimmy Carter had been president every year since Thoreau, it still wouldn't come close to being on a par.
The statistic that would really be the eye opener though is that we could build 1,898,726 houses like Henry's for the same amount of money that Bill spent. I will never forget a friend of mine, commenting on pretentious houses, saying that "you can only live in one room at a time." Henry may have been a little extreme, but what about Bill?! In looking at population figures for 2004, for what Bill spent we could build a house like Henry's for every resident of Philadelphia plus Atlanta and still have money left over for 20,547 more houses!( Or you could say that inflation differences on materials would balance this out to zero)
OK- here's the action plan. I have a friend whose daughter is just starting work at Microsoft in Seattle. We can get her to present these numbers to Bill, and then he can call Jimmy Carter (I mentioned him before, didn't I?) who is very active in Habitat for Humanity to get a project started on this. Since my friend's daughter is a recruiter in the HR department, she can either be a hero or will have great contacts in her new job search!
Well, let's just be happy that the rest of us are somewhere in between. Hey honey, is there any newspaper left in the backyard facilities?

We have had Lucy the WonderDog for a number of months and figure that she is about two years old. I'm sure that she wandered around for months before ending up at the animal shelter, then the adoption folks, and finally us. Well, today she had her first real bath. My wife had me to hold her in the bathtub in our hall bath. (That's a bathroom that I'm not allowed to use). The WonderDog looked at us like we were crazy to be putting her in a slippery enclosed area and dousing her with water. My wife later commented that the runoff water did not even look that dirty. (That's because this dog is a great licker!) Maybe the rest of us should get away from these baths every day, and try different frequencies until we find the best combination of cleanliness and water savings. Since I went to college in the 60's, I think I've already tried once every four years. Let me know what your best frequency turns out to be. Has anyone seen the Right Guard?

Maybe I should do more things to simplify life like Thoreau tried to do. Too bad that can't include elimination of tax filing which he never had to do and would try a little Civil Disobedience with I suspect! Uncle Sam needs to do something new to cut back on all this hassle. I would like to really understand the pros and cons of a flat tax--- sorry, that would be way too simple, and rich folks would have a fit! Oh well, as the great Southern philosophers tend to conclude---- Love it or leave it!

"Things do not change; we change."
--- Henry David Thoreau

See you later.

Tim

Add curling to the list of sports that makes drying paint look exciting! I guess you have to be there, but my wife commented on the near empty seats in the arena where this fireball event takes place. I can see the next headline--- CURLING SUPERSTAR INKS MULTIMILLION DOLLAR CONTRACT!. The only thing I want to know is where they buy their shoes. Since they aren't falling on their butts every five seconds, I figure I could sell a pair to every 80 something in the U.S., and put the orthopedic surgeons out of business. The other thing that really gets to me on this sport is that no one can tell how it is scored or who wins except the people that are playing. I don't even know if the broadcasters have an idea. It looks to me like professional custodians could excel at this event with all of the frantic sweeping going on that you can't even tell what effect it's having. At least the ice is nice and clean.

This talk of sports reminds me of something else that blows my mind about all the money that is spent on sports arenas that are used maybe twenty or thirty times a year. Look at all that space going to waste! The ideas on how these places could be used is endless. At least all of that land could be turned into tomato gardens or pretty flower beds. NASCAR tracks could be used for Driver's Ed to get the teenagers of the road until they are ready to get in real accidents with the rest of us. Oh well---- I guess the school kids will just keep having their classes in the trailers!

This is another disappointing week for the WonderDog. I heard her crying this morning, and springing into my role as Dog Whisperer, asked her what the problem was today. She said " GRRR, BowWow, Barkety Bark, Growl". Translated, that means she was pissed off that a Bull Terrier had won "Best of Show" in the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. I don't blame her one bit. If you take an ugly head and put it on the WonderDog's body, you would have a bull terrier. The thing that really got the WonderDog was that the new champ was eating steaks rather than dried cardboard tasting stuff that she eats. Life's just not fair for this Man's Best Friend!

Some of the vanity plates you see on cars could really give people the wrong idea. I'll give you three examples I've seen recently.
1. DUKIE- Now if you weren't from North Carolina, what would you think of this one? Does this person work for a roto-rooter company? Does he clean out septic tanks? Or, worse yet, is this his opinion of the person coming up behind him?
2. MY WOODIE- Oh for a double entendre! (this person was in a wood trimmed PT Cruiser) That's OK until he puts this tag on his new Hummer!
3. WALKS W/ GOD- I had to check the newspaper after seeing this one to find out if I missed the fact that George was visiting!
More to come on this later!

" Nothing at all will be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome."
--- Samuel Johnson

See you later.

Tim

Whenever I see (and almost run over!) the bicyclists in my town, I can't help but think back to when Mom and Dad presented me with my first two-wheeled beauty. It didn't have 794 gears on it like the ones you see now, and back then you bragged about how big and heavy your bike was versus now when the boast is" My bike is made out of razmataz super titanium plus and weighs three pounds!" Having been "Depression Babies", my parents were always sharp with a buck, and this was to be no exception. They wanted to buy me one bike, not 14 like I did for my kids as they went from training wheels to midsize and then successively larger as they grew into them. Dad bought a big red Murray monster that Shaquille O'Neal would enjoy riding today! Of course the plan was for me to "grow into" this bike over time. I will never forget my first biking experience. I have the scars that remind me of it every day! I could barely reach the pedals and while I was concentrating on that, steering the damn thing was an afterthought at best. Dad got me started with the usual push and confident word, I went about 100 feet, and a pine tree as big as a Sequoia jumped into my path. Even today after about 50 years, I still think I have pine bark embedded in my skull. Of course those fancy helmets that make your head look like a torpedo didn't exist back then , so a good concussion was the order of the day if you had a wreck that was bad enough. I bet if I still had that old Murray, I could do battle with a Hummer. (the military one,not the fake). Oh well, I guess I'll just have to dream about the Tour de France. Get a real bike, Lance!

My brother and I talk about two or three times a week and maybe more. He is younger than me by four years, and lives with his family in Seattle. When we were kids, I made his life a living hell! My grandmother never let me forget the time that I took my heel, and ground his hand into the carpet. Since she lived to be over 100, that was a long time of not forgetting. One of my favorite games was called "Goal Line Stand". I actually charmed the kid into playing it, although I can't imagine why he kept playing a game whose object was to break at least his leg and three ribs! If he survived that, there was always the problem of making it through the night. Since our sister had her own room, we had to share one. There were many days where I'm sure that he wished he could divide the room in half with razor barbed wire. Though the light switch for the room was about two feet from my bed, every night I would make him cut the light off even if he were settled in under the covers in his bed across the room.Our kids,nieces, and nephews still have a hard time believing that one. He took many a "frog" in the arm for refusing that duty. Today, I can't tell you how many times I tell people all about my brother, Joe. He was a star athlete in college, received an MBA after graduating from Duke University, and has a fine family to boot. He is a highly successful businessman, and continues to run marathons to this day. I wish I could see him more than I do, and when we both retire, I hope he moves closer to home. Anyway---- Hike that ball, boy, and try for that end zone!

"Every man needs one essential friend."
--- Dr. William Glasser

See you later.

Tim

I am really having trouble with the concept of "global warming." Doesn't it really depend upon the perspective of the place where you're from or even your own reactions to hot or cold? I bet if you lived at the North Pole for about a year, global warming would be a welcome thing!( that's probably true if you are from North Dakota too). I bundled up in a coat and toboggan today to walk the WonderDog. Later, when I was at the store, a young woman came in dressed in short pants and a short sleeve shirt. I couldn't resist---" You're either a Yankee or a fast runner, aren't you?", I said cautiously. She smiled and said that she had just finished a tennis game. I also remember that whenever there is "Canadian Week" at the beach, you can always tell because they will break ice to go swimming. Well, it's a sure thing that no one of us can truly define the problem, so let's just move on to the next issue. Hey, honey, turn that thermostat down---this isn't a sauna!
If you haven't heard by now, American Olympic skater Michelle Kwan has dropped out of the Olympics due to injury. She repeatedly said on TV that it was important at this time to "listen to her body ", and do the right thing. Michelle must be in her 20's. Her body has not even had half the years to talk to her as my body has talked to me! Here's what my body is saying----" Well, Buddy, Don't even think about getting out of bed today without taking my arthritis medicine.(that was my knees and feet talking) Oh, by the way, stop off at the store today for some more Preparation H.(you know who was talking then.) We're having a little flaking going on up here. How about another swig of that Head and Shoulders?(said the scalp)Don't risk any dog breath in here. Pour in the Lavoris.!(big mouth talking) Anyway, I guess your body continuing to talk to you is a good thing versus the alternative!I finally know how to solve the terror problem. Set up a hunting trip where Cheney invites Osama along for a good time! He'll never figure that one out. I guess that Dick got a little carried away on this trip. Maybe he thought the fellow was a member of the press that's been riding him for awhile. I think in the picture above, the Democrats are the fellows you can barely see in the distance.( George doesn't go on these trips!) The ear muffs are to muffle the screams of the folks saying "Cease Fire!." Poor Dick, I bet he hopes that some new war can be started to get his name out of the news. Hey you Democrats---- Let's go bungee jumping!

I am currently revisiting an old classic which I do from time to time. The latest is Walden, by Thoreau. His advice is timeless. His advocacy of a more simple lifestyle and a disdain for the clutter of life shows how wise he was for his day. Can you imagine what he would think of life in America today?

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation."

--- Henry David Thoreau

See you later.

Tim

Since I have written so much about Lucy the WonderDog in the past, I thought I would give her full footage in today's message. It is very obvious from this recent photo that she really is a "wonder" dog. How many different breeds do you see in the girl? It seems that this dog could really be a unique breed, because every time anyone in the family sees a dog on TV, it seems we all say," That dog looks just like Lucy!"

The WonderDog was one of those canine souls destined for demise before some kind person managed to have the dog adoption folks take her on. Since I am trying desperately to become a "Dog Whisperer" (not yet successful), my hope is to quiz the WonderDog on her past, and begin a search for her biological parents. Finding them could be good or bad. I would feel awful if she found out that her dad abused her as a puppy. Then we would have to take her to a doggy psychologist for therapy. I don't think that happened unless you count the time she ate the rocking chair as a manifested symptom.

I don't think we'll have a problem with finding out that she started life with some rich folks, and is now feeling deprived in her current lifestyle. That would be true, because of her contentment with sleeping on every couch and lounge chair we own.( I am the only one at my house banned from sitting in certain chairs!) Another reason that I think she didn't come from high society is her happiness with eating rabbit crap in the back yard. I bet the dogs that win those shows on TV never got a taste of that stuff!

One interesting thing to do might involve an experiment. I could let the WonderDog loose, and follow her to see if she has any kind of "homing instinct" to return to her former environment. That could lead to a beautiful reunion and the subsequent Hollywood film "Dog Roots-The Life Story of Lucy the WonderDog". I could make millions. The more likely scenario would be figuring out how to get her to come out of the local landfill where she is happily nosing into every smelly pile of garbage she can find.

Another thought could be to convince the dog food people to post her picture on their dog biscuit boxes like the milk folks put lost kids on milk cartons. Like I said earlier though, since there are about 4 million dogs who look just like her, I would have to open a call center with a number like 1-800-SEEMUTT to take all the leads.

Well, in the end, I guess the WonderDog is fated to begin life anew without benefit or curse of associating with her former life. Things could be a whole lot worse----- I wonder where there are any soup kitchens for dogs?

"Life begins on the other side of despair."
--- Jean Paul Sartre

See you later

Tim

I actually learned how to transfer pictures from my digital camera to my computer. I didn't even need the elementary school kid from down the street to help me, just my adult "kid", and only a little bit. I thought it would be appropriate to start with a picture of Bill Gates' house in Seattle that I took back during the summer while I was visiting my brother in Seattle. I was hoping to get Bill's attention the day that I took the picture from the vantage point of a tour boat. My plan was to scream something at Bill while he was mowing the yard or fishing off his dock, like "Hey Bill, when are you going to do something about the price of my Microsoft stock!" Bill must have been inside on the day I came by either counting money or trying on a new pair of glasses.
I heard that if you visit Bill's house, he puts some sort of tracking device on you so that he knows where you are at all times. I hope it's not like one of those chips that Lucy the WonderDog has imbedded under the skin. I would be afraid that Bush or Cheney would use it to track me later, that is after they heard me on the phone talking to my mother at the retirement home.
Look at all of those steps that Bill has to walk down to get to his little beach umbrella! When he and Warren Buffett sit down there and have a few beers, I bet it takes a while for Warren to catch his breath. Melinda is back inside fixing lunch of course, while Bill is catching rays and making deals. I think those white objects in the water are probably mines, on loan from Dick Cheney.
I've also heard that Bill is really pretty nice. I think he should put in a little water park with some tire swings and a diving board off that dock we see in the picture. Kids from all over Seattle could camp out back, and have a good time!
I bet that Bill has added on to his house many times given that it's many thousand square feet. I wonder if he has meetings with Larry the Contractor, Jennifer the Designer, Chris the Plumber, Floyd the Concrete Man, Bob the Brick Mason, Buddy the Tree Man, Earl the Floor Man, and Dan the Painter? Maybe he's like me and uses the "Yes Dear" strategy every time he's asked if something looks OK.
Well, I guess I'll just have to go back when Bill is at home to get answers to all my questions. Maybe I'll just send him an email to get time on his schedule. Move over Warren! That's my chair!

"Success is that old ABC--- Ability, Breaks, and Courage."
_ Charles Luckman

See you later.

Tim

I saw a TV commercial recently that was touting Onstar diagnostic service for your GM automobile. Basically speaking, reports can be generated from an onboard computer to tell you about your car's condition. The commercial shows a fellow opening his garage door and peering into the dark garage and saying something like--- " Gee, it's almost like we can talk to each other." If this technology had been available in 1983, I could have had a conversation with a Pontiac Sunbird which might have gone something like this---

Me: It sure is a beautiful day out here on the lot. Your shiny blue color and nice lines with your practical 4 doors could make you an excellent buy to be my family car.

Sunny: Well, thanks, but we probably need to talk first and get a few things understood.

Me: OK. What is it that you wanted to ask?

Sunny: Do you and the family make many trips to the mountains?

Me: Not really, but we are planning one next Fall.

Sunny: Ohhhhhhhhh, that could be a problem---- I'm feeling a little queasy even thinking about it!

Me: Really? Tell me all about it.

Sunny: Well, to tell you the truth, I think those climbs in the mountains could cause my engine to become a little too hot, like maybe boiling my fluids, warping my little aluminum head, and generally causing a fatal illness that I would never recover from.

Me: Oh my! Whatever caused you to think that will happen?

Sunny: You see, Mom and Dad have been trounced on quality by the Japanese while working on their Marketing pitch and duking it out with the unions over pension plans and wages. I bet I have more defects in my little body than a whole fleet of Hondas and Toyotas. It wouldn't surprise me that we would even be close to bankruptcy at the turn of the century. And, my buddy down the street, Freddy Ford, told me he feels that way about his mommy and daddy, too!

Me: Gosh, I'm sorry to hear all of that! Maybe I should come back when you are feeling better about things.

Sunny: (Sobbing and with a wailing cry) Don't bother. Once you meet Harry Honda and Tommy Toyota, you'll never be back!

I recently talked to an interesting guy who is going to take out a tree in my back yard to make way for a new addition. The spot he will be working in is rather tight, so I asked how he would be able to get a crane into place in such a narrow opening. "Won't need one ", he said confidently," I'll just be climbing up and sawing away--never used a crane in 30 years." As I appeared to have an incredulous expression and peered upward about 30 feet, he went on to say that he had "only" been injured badly enough to come down out of a tree once in his whole career. I guess the other times he only had broken bones or some other minor aggravation. The greatest part of all was when I asked how old he was, and found out he was a 50 something! As for me, I worry that I could pull muscles getting in and out of bed, and keep myself going all day with ibuprofen, and wonder drugs. Timmmmmmmmmmmmmm- ber!

Today, I'm going to learn how to hook my digital camera up to this computer, so if I never see you again, it's been fun. Seriously, the instructions look like a manual for building a nuclear warhead! I think if I can find an elementary school kid who can stop playing his video games long enough to help, I may be OK. I'll let you know what happens.

I'm going to let you know soon about my views on vanity license plates after I collect a few more samples. Stay tuned. Lucy the WonderDog is growling to go out.

" If fear is cultivated it will become stronger. If faith is cultivated it will achieve the mastery... faith is the stronger emotion because it is positive, whereas fear is negative."
--- John Paul Jones



See you later.

Tim

Have you ever seen those TV commercials with some sleazy lawyer talking about how to get compensation for the grievous injury you received from your employer or some drug product or such? Just dial 1-800-SUESYOU, and they will rush in and help. I've got a good idea. Go to the fellow's office during an icestorm before he has a chance to scrape the steps, fall down, and call his arch competitor to start the ball rolling. And the law profession wonders why they have an image problem! Roll over Perry Mason!



Do you wonder why all of the "talking heads" on the financial TV shows are still working? They should be exposed every day to hundreds of ideas about the next "hot" stock to buy, so what's the problem? I figure for every "up" they achieve there is probably a "down" that breaks them even. The difference between them and us though is that their 6 figure salaries still keep them going strong. What if they had to pay for every loser they recommended? Oh well--- when is it that the N.C. lottery gets started?


A few days ago, I made contact with an old friend who played basketball with me on our high school team. Back then, it was rare to have many players above about 6'4" tall, but we had to play two teams, each with a player over 7 feet tall. To get us ready, our coach gave tennis rackets to one of our guys to simulate the play against the big fellows. Of course the instructions to our "7 footer" were to stand flat footed with the rackets extended in the air. I'll never forget the startled look of our star player when our "7 footer" got excited, jumped, and batted the ball right off his nose. It's tough to play against those 10 foot guys who can jump. Your serve!



Whenever the government tells me they can't process paperwork in less than six weeks or so, I am tempted to lay on them my "USA Today" speech. It's amazing to me that news which just happened can be viewed, reported, written up, edited, proofread, and printed in full color and delivered to your door within hours. The federal government should require every member of its management team to make a field trip to wherever that publication is produced. Crank up the bus, George!

" Change is inevitable in a progressive society. Change is constant."
- Benjamin Disraeli

See you later.

Tim

The medical community has gone "over the top" this time. Can you imagine all of the ramifications of the face transplant? What if a bunch of people already have secretly had one without the rest of us knowing? Has anyone seen Pat Robertson lately? What if they've put George Bush's face on Pat's body, and Pat is now President of the United States! On thinking further, that one could go undetected for a long time, since you can't tell them apart except for their faces anyway. It seems to me that the face was the last frontier , so to speak , given that people are replacing just about every other part of the body. What could they possibly do next? Hmmmm------ George with a new brain?


The world of outer space has come a long way since Sputnik, but not all of it has been good. I'm talking about all of those ugly satellite dishes that seem to be everywhere these days. I saw an apartment building in town that must have had 40 or so of the darn things in about 25 square feet. Maybe a "once in 100 years" meteor shower will come along and just happen to wipe out the right satellites. More likely, the cable TV executives will figure out some way to sue them for something. Oh well, just wait a few years, and changing technology will make both groups obsolete. Remember when the TV repairman came to the house to replace a worn out tube or two?


I think something is wrong with my youngest daughter. She decided to clean one of our cars! It will take her hours just to get her clothes and shoes out. She has definitely proven that a person can live in a car if they have to. What brought all of this on was telling her that I needed to take the car in for a maintenance check. Hmmm----- maybe "maintenance" will need to be done a little more often in the future.





A good friend of mine has a daughter moving to Seattle where my brother happens to live. We used a computer program called "Google Earth" to locate his house and her new residence, and check their proximity to one another. You talk about amazing technology!--- I think I could almost see my brother in his back yard cooking burgers! Forget Bush listening in on your phone calls--- now he can check whether you're singing in the shower! Beam me up Scotty!

" The only way to live is to accept each minute as an unrepeatable miracle, which is exactly what it is: a miracle and unrepeatable."
- Storm Jameson

See you later.

Tim

Have you ever wondered what cave men and women worried about versus what we worry about today? We get our underwear in a crack about medical insurance coverage, and they worried about whether the T-Rex that they just saw swallow their neighbors whole would have them for a midnight snack! Their concerns about energy problems didn't relate to the price of a gallon of gas, more like whether they could find a way to keep from freezing to death in the cave. I don't think I'll head back to that era in the next time machine trip I take. Now, those Roaring 20's-----Hmmmmm?

I don't know if you watched the Super Bowl halftime show or not, but those of us who did can be thankful that Mick Jagger didn't have a "wardrobe malfunction" like Janet Jackson did last year. I do believe that Mick is in pretty good shape for his age(62) considering all of the jumping around and running back and forth he did. Of course that could have been an "urge to go", and he was looking for the men's room. I must say that it is still easy to see why he "can't get no satisfaction." He's probably one of the few fellows around who get mad when you say" Gee, Mick, you haven't changed a bit in all of these years."I guess I'm just jealous, but he and the Stones just don't sound like they used to. Maybe that's what 35 years does--- to them or me?

I've got a new idea to make big money in stocks about 20 years from now. I'm going to research all of the companies that make hearing aids, and buy the best one. A kid in his car passed me today, and I think he broke the sound barrier. The shock waves from his vibrating car nearly knocked me down. I felt like pulling a Gomer Pyle and doing a citizen's arrest, but he would never have heard me. On top of all that racket, the music is lousy! Oh well--maybe the next generation will invent "whisper rock", and we'll all be saved.What did you say,dear? Take out the what?

I bet the camera men on those Food Network shows weigh 500 pounds apiece. They must be the ones who have to eat all of the stuff so the kitchen can be ready for the next show. Or maybe they have a steady line of homeless folks outside who eat in shifts. Do you wonder what those hosts and hostesses do when it's time to go home at 5:00 and cook dinner? I bet they're ready for a Big Mac or a Whopper by then! Pass the gravy, please.

" Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together"
- Woodrow Wilson

See you later.

Tim

Have you ever heard of the devices that are used in cars that are purchased by people with bad credit ratings? If they don't make their payments on time, the device can be remotely activated, and the car won't start. I have a great idea to expand this concept--- if a car goes beyond the point where the oil needs to be changed, the device disables it until the new oil is put in. Invariably when I drive my wife's car, which is once in a blue moon, I see that the car is at least 1,000 miles past due for the oil change. Her comment is "That's your job!" I guess I'm supposed to know through mental telepathy when to switch cars. I'll let you know when the new "No Oil No Go Gizmo" hits the market.

The dealership where I take our cars for service has a neat waiting room complete with computers for customers to use. Right outside is a coffee break area and restrooms. The amazing thing is that most customers wait in the crowded room downstairs where the old magazines are, leaving the newer room empty most of the time. My idea is to utilize this nice room as my permanent offce area even when my car doesn't need service. I think it will be highly unlikely that I would ever be discovered. If some management person got suspicious, I would always say that Joe Bob the sales person was coming up to show me a new car. They love that! Just call me at 1-800-AUTOOFF if you need my services.

If you ever get a second dog, you're crazy.(that might be true if you get a first dog). We are dog sitting for Samson the Schnauzer for a few days. He and Lucy the WonderDog are engaged in a contest to see who can be the biggest pest. My wife and I could qualify to be Secret Service agents for the President based on how closely we have to watch these two. The folks that run those Doggy Bed and Breakfast places would have these mutts thrown out before you could say Jack Russell. Maybe the gate on our fence could have a slight malfunction. Honey, do both of these dogs have microchips?

I wish Uncle Sam would figure out how to simplify the tax paying process. I'm beginning to think that "1099" stands for the number of those damn things I'll get before the taxes can be done. Someone told me recently that Willie Nelson owed the U.S. government 32 million dollars in taxes before they figured out he hadn't paid in awhile. If I tried that, they would miss one nickel immediately, and throw me in jail. Of course we could all revolt at once, and see what happens. Let me know when you get that organized.

What would happen if we just "got back to basics" in teaching children reading, writing, and arithmetic? Come on parents--- turn off those TV's and video games, and get involved!

See you later.

Tim

I should have listened many years ago to a friend who told me "Head and Shoulders" shampoo had the same chemicals in it that are in 'Easy Off Oven Cleaner". It must be true ,because sure enough, I have a significant shining spot at the top rear of my head. The only consolation that I have is to use the great comeback of a dear departed friend of mine who, when asked by some young whipper snapper "What is that?", his face would just light up with a smile as he proudly proclaimed, " That's just a solar panel for a human sex machine!"

Posted on our refrigerator is a notice for one of those dog obedience schools. I bet the trainers at that place have one of the most stressful jobs imaginable. If they train your dog to do a few tricks,they are just doing what they were supposed to do, but if not, how many dog owners will admit that their dog is dumb as a post? I can see the headline in the paper now--- "Canine Owner Sues Trainer When Pooch Fails Doggy SAT". I guess my wife will slide me down another notch if the WonderDog learns how to fetch the paper.

All of you homeowners out there raise your hands if you can say there isn't at least one broken something at your house. Well, I don't see a single hand in the air. There are some days when I envy those folks who live in apartments or retirement homes where broken stuff has to be dealt with by someone else, and all the tenant has to do is complain. Maybe we can take on a boarder,a ranch hand type concept, someone you see riding around in a van with a sign that says"Honey Do Maintenance Co." No, dear, I haven't seen your toolbox.

I was just pulling into a parking spot at the grocery store today that was adjacent to the handicapped spaces. I then spotted a sign directly in front of me that read " Privileged Senior Citizen Parking." I think the split second decision I made to qualify myself and take the spot was justified. I am over 55 (Senior), and have had the (Privilege) to shop bestowed on me by my wife who has given up on my tendency to bring home every Brand X product that existed. Oh yeah, you won't believe there was another sign that said "Reserved for Expectant Mothers or Recently Injured". I wonder if the bite on my hand from the WonderDog qualified me for that one?

The course where I walk has the beginning and end at the same point. I have noticed that the people I have happened to meet there and now know by name are folks who walk the course in the opposite direction from me. I know no one who walks in my same direction. Perhaps this little observation can teach us how to better solve problems together.Maybe we learn more from people who think counter to us when we meet them "face to face" in meaningful dialogue versus only considering points of view identical to our own. Worth a try?

See you later.

Tim

Today is the first day of Alan Greenspan's retirement. I wonder what on earth he will do to create "irrational exuberance" in his life? I've got a suggestion--- I think ole Al ought to fish and play golf for a few days and then work at his local Mc Donalds as a burger flipper. He could get a true view of the economy that way and give advice to anyone who buys a 99 cent Happy Meal. Being on a fixed income now, he could help retirees figure out when to take their Social Security, or even tell them if they will ever draw any. Oh well, that's just one suggestion. No onions on that Quarter Pounder, Al!

It really tickles me to watch all of the young restaurant or store clerks figure out whether an aging boomer should get the Senior Citizen's Discount. Some of them confidently make a decision on their own, confident that they know an old fogey when they see one. That works just fine until they guess wrong on a female who is really only about 45 but has the wrinkles of Methusalah! A second scenario, one of my favorites, is when the pretty young female clerk politely asks as she bats her eyes,"Honey, senior citizen's discount?". I'm so happy that she had trouble deciding and seems to be a little flirty that I'd probably pay double for my burger and never think twice! I guess my next thought should be to figure out whether getting carded in the grocery store for buying a bottle of wine was good or bad.

I want to get some of my friends together and audition them for a spot on a new TV show called "Boomer American Idol". I would start the show with a celebrity guest like Bill Clinton playing his saxaphone. Then aging boomers would sing, dance, or play their favorite musical instruments. The judges would be Ralph Nader, George Foreman, and Sandra Day O'Connor. Just like the regular Idol Show, we would travel all over America finding folks who have nothing better to do than make fools of themselves. Move over Simon Cowell, here I come!

Have you ever heard of something called the "Star Registry"? Supposedly you can have a star in the sky named for a person you choose, and a framed certificate is sent to the person confirming it was done. Wow! I'm going to find out what they charge, and go into this business myself. Let's say it's a $20 fee. Well, I would charge just $10,PLUS----- I'll even set up a telescope in my back yard(next to the concession stand) so that the buyers can view their new purchase.I'll sell T-shirts like "Mike's Shooting Star", for example. The list is endless. Call me if you want to buy stock in the IPO.

Can you imagine a woman who could never have imagined how her life would be so totally changed by the course of history based solely on her choice of a husband?Thank the Lord for all strong wives, and on this day particularly Mrs. Martin Luther King.

See you later.

Tim