Thursday, January 12, 2006
I have late breaking news- the battle for the TV remote is almost over! We recently went to one of the cable services that combine computer, phone, and TV all into one magical package that is cheaper now, but will probably cost us double later when they realize we'll pay it just to avoid the three day hold time on the phone to switch to the next "best deal". Anyway- back to the remote. I just finished counting the buttons on the plastic monster and the total is fifty-eight! What are the odds that a fifty something like me will ever figure the damn thing out, much less someone in their eighties like my mother? I have taped paper labels in giant print on her ninety dollar CD player with the words "power", "off", and "on". After thinking about this issue for awhile, I finally figured it out. Wives and young people have conspired to drive the remote out of the hands of every red-blooded sports-watching man in America, and the strategy has a great chance for success. I'll bet that forty-eight of the buttons are absolutely non-functional, but they know the ten that really work. Oh well, I guess we'll never return to the days where I made my little brother get up and change between the three black and white channels we could get!
My dear wife and I have told at least three different subcontracting types on our kitchen remodel that our gas stovetop is three or four years old. Well, she had to lookup something about it today, and it turns out that it was installed in 1991. My theory is that all people over fifty have this problem of seeing everything as recently purchased in their subconscious desire to never get older themselves. Nevertheless, we must become more accurate in our dating of things, so here is my idea. Carmakers have gotten it right. All of us know at the drop of a hat that we have a 1998 Honda Accord or a 2002 Volkswagen Beetle or whatever we have. Let's use dates on everything else! For example, I've got a 1975 Basset Kingsize Bed and a 2002 Dell Computer and a 1995 Seth Thomas Wall Clock, etc., etc., etc. Don't you think that's a great idea?
Speaking of the kitchen remodel- My wife has at least ten flooring samples laid out on the floor, one of which almost put me through the side door in a spasmodic sprawl as I nearly fell on my derriere. It did spawn another fantastic idea to save money. I bet when all of these floor salesmen type guys are caught up in the sales pitch frenzy and get busy all over the place, they forget where all of these samples are or just say "Don't worry about returning the sample, I have plenty more." Well, my plan is to count up the number of tiles we need and call up that exact number of vendors, request a sample, and install all of them as our new floor. Even if one of them pushed to get his sample back, I could just say that Lucy The Wonder Dog chewed it up and I'm awfully sorry. What do you think?
I have been on a mission to find toys for Lucy The Wonder Dog, girl of multiple breeds,of which one must be some kind of bull something. This dog has jaws of steel, and has torn to shreds every toy that has ever been manufactured for a dog. Those evil dog toy executives are either conspiring to make this happen, or they all have these little nancy schmanzy prissy little yorkie poo schitzy zoo chihuahua looking type dogs that couldn't even break the skin of a grape if they gave it all they had. Well, my wife brought home what is called an indestructible ball. I believe it! I think that the big toe on my left foot is broken from trying to kick it across the yard the other day. If our car tires were made this way, Goodyear would have to declare bankruptcy. The Wonder Dog is no fool. Whenever that ball comes near her, she runs to the fartherest corner of the yard and whimpers in fear. So would I ! Good try, but back to WalMart we go.
Do you think that the greatest U.S. Presidents of all time are carved into Mt. Rushmore? Here is a list for a new monument that I am thinking about--- Franklin Pierce, Warren Harding, James Buchanan, Millard Fillmore, and the current George Bush. Which state would volunteer one of their mountains for the project?
See you later.
Tim
My dear wife and I have told at least three different subcontracting types on our kitchen remodel that our gas stovetop is three or four years old. Well, she had to lookup something about it today, and it turns out that it was installed in 1991. My theory is that all people over fifty have this problem of seeing everything as recently purchased in their subconscious desire to never get older themselves. Nevertheless, we must become more accurate in our dating of things, so here is my idea. Carmakers have gotten it right. All of us know at the drop of a hat that we have a 1998 Honda Accord or a 2002 Volkswagen Beetle or whatever we have. Let's use dates on everything else! For example, I've got a 1975 Basset Kingsize Bed and a 2002 Dell Computer and a 1995 Seth Thomas Wall Clock, etc., etc., etc. Don't you think that's a great idea?
Speaking of the kitchen remodel- My wife has at least ten flooring samples laid out on the floor, one of which almost put me through the side door in a spasmodic sprawl as I nearly fell on my derriere. It did spawn another fantastic idea to save money. I bet when all of these floor salesmen type guys are caught up in the sales pitch frenzy and get busy all over the place, they forget where all of these samples are or just say "Don't worry about returning the sample, I have plenty more." Well, my plan is to count up the number of tiles we need and call up that exact number of vendors, request a sample, and install all of them as our new floor. Even if one of them pushed to get his sample back, I could just say that Lucy The Wonder Dog chewed it up and I'm awfully sorry. What do you think?
I have been on a mission to find toys for Lucy The Wonder Dog, girl of multiple breeds,of which one must be some kind of bull something. This dog has jaws of steel, and has torn to shreds every toy that has ever been manufactured for a dog. Those evil dog toy executives are either conspiring to make this happen, or they all have these little nancy schmanzy prissy little yorkie poo schitzy zoo chihuahua looking type dogs that couldn't even break the skin of a grape if they gave it all they had. Well, my wife brought home what is called an indestructible ball. I believe it! I think that the big toe on my left foot is broken from trying to kick it across the yard the other day. If our car tires were made this way, Goodyear would have to declare bankruptcy. The Wonder Dog is no fool. Whenever that ball comes near her, she runs to the fartherest corner of the yard and whimpers in fear. So would I ! Good try, but back to WalMart we go.
Do you think that the greatest U.S. Presidents of all time are carved into Mt. Rushmore? Here is a list for a new monument that I am thinking about--- Franklin Pierce, Warren Harding, James Buchanan, Millard Fillmore, and the current George Bush. Which state would volunteer one of their mountains for the project?
See you later.
Tim
