Friday, January 13, 2006
I think that I have figured out how speed limits are set, and my conclusion is that something needs to change. Silas Creek Parkway, a busy highway near my house, provides a case in point. Everyone between the ages of sixteen and thirty-nine goes seventy-five miles per hour on this road,and those over sixty-five go fifteen miles per hour. The average of those numbers is forty-five miles per hour, and that's where the legal geniuses have set the speed limit. All other drivers(those from forty to sixty-four in age) drive at fifty-five miles per hour. Of course this means that every driver is subject to getting a ticket for some speed violation, driving too slow or too fast. Give me the ticket, Barney!
When my family leaves the house, Lucy The Wonderdog must be put in a cage or havoc of unimaginable proportions may be wreaked. We think that we are missing one TV, and there is a strong possibility that she ate it. All of the conventional wisdom of pooch psychiatrists says that dogs are perfectly happy when crated. On the contrary, we feel that the Wonder Dog must have as many comforts as possible or she will be traumatized for life. The main concern is not only leaving the TV on while we are gone, but making certain that the right channel has been selected. My wife favors the food channel, the animal channel, or the home improvement network, while I choose sports, the financial network, or HBO. I would really like to know what The Wonder Dog herself thinks. I hope that scientists will work on a way that canines can communicate on that sort of thing. Hey- maybe the Weather Channel to know when the squirrels will be most active? Woof, Woof.
Have you ever noticed that in a ranch style house built in the 1960's, the master bathroom is really small? I feel that ours is about four square feet. The bathroom fan in that small space sounds like a jet breaking the sound barrier. I think we should buy one of those toilets that blasts your rear end with water. Then we could do away with the shower and save space. Any other ideas out there?
It is amazing to me the number of questions we are asked that we are really never expected to answer or a uniform yes or no is expected. How about when you pick up a prescription, and you're always asked " Would you like to speak to the pharmacist?" Of course, 99.9% of the time the answer is "No", but I'm working on a response something like this---" Yes, I surely would, and my main thing is to ask him how his family is getting along, what he thinks of his job here at Super Drugs, and what he does in his spare time. I also want to know what school he graduated from,his grade point average, and what he thinks about the next Presidential election. After that, I plan to check in on his church life and what kind of car he drives." Can you go get him now so I can get started?
Another one of my favorites is the supermarket clerk question---- " Did you find everything OK?" Our perpetual answer is "Sure", but here is my truthful reply---" I finally found everything in one hour that would have taken my wife seven minutes.I made five thousand circuits of this damn place looking for Almond Granola Bars, and probably bought the wrong thing anyway. Every aisle is marked with signs listing obscure items, but what about just plain ole "bread"? My god--- everybody buys that and you are doing everything you can to hide it. You have eight million wine bottles, and I looked at seven million plus labels to find the one I was looking for. Other than that, I had no problems."
Paper or plastic?-----decisions!decisions!
Thanks for your emails on this blog. Even the comments that I must not have enough to do are appreciated. (Thanks Debby and Shirley!)
See you later.
Tim
When my family leaves the house, Lucy The Wonderdog must be put in a cage or havoc of unimaginable proportions may be wreaked. We think that we are missing one TV, and there is a strong possibility that she ate it. All of the conventional wisdom of pooch psychiatrists says that dogs are perfectly happy when crated. On the contrary, we feel that the Wonder Dog must have as many comforts as possible or she will be traumatized for life. The main concern is not only leaving the TV on while we are gone, but making certain that the right channel has been selected. My wife favors the food channel, the animal channel, or the home improvement network, while I choose sports, the financial network, or HBO. I would really like to know what The Wonder Dog herself thinks. I hope that scientists will work on a way that canines can communicate on that sort of thing. Hey- maybe the Weather Channel to know when the squirrels will be most active? Woof, Woof.
Have you ever noticed that in a ranch style house built in the 1960's, the master bathroom is really small? I feel that ours is about four square feet. The bathroom fan in that small space sounds like a jet breaking the sound barrier. I think we should buy one of those toilets that blasts your rear end with water. Then we could do away with the shower and save space. Any other ideas out there?
It is amazing to me the number of questions we are asked that we are really never expected to answer or a uniform yes or no is expected. How about when you pick up a prescription, and you're always asked " Would you like to speak to the pharmacist?" Of course, 99.9% of the time the answer is "No", but I'm working on a response something like this---" Yes, I surely would, and my main thing is to ask him how his family is getting along, what he thinks of his job here at Super Drugs, and what he does in his spare time. I also want to know what school he graduated from,his grade point average, and what he thinks about the next Presidential election. After that, I plan to check in on his church life and what kind of car he drives." Can you go get him now so I can get started?
Another one of my favorites is the supermarket clerk question---- " Did you find everything OK?" Our perpetual answer is "Sure", but here is my truthful reply---" I finally found everything in one hour that would have taken my wife seven minutes.I made five thousand circuits of this damn place looking for Almond Granola Bars, and probably bought the wrong thing anyway. Every aisle is marked with signs listing obscure items, but what about just plain ole "bread"? My god--- everybody buys that and you are doing everything you can to hide it. You have eight million wine bottles, and I looked at seven million plus labels to find the one I was looking for. Other than that, I had no problems."
Paper or plastic?-----decisions!decisions!
Thanks for your emails on this blog. Even the comments that I must not have enough to do are appreciated. (Thanks Debby and Shirley!)
See you later.
Tim
