Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Just this morning I was thinking about Michelle Kwan's successful petition to become a member of the U.S. Olympic Skating Team for 2006. If you haven't heard the story, she could not compete in the meet that normally determines who gets spots for the Games, so she had to put forth a special request to go based on her prior record. I have decided to apply for a spot on the men's basketball team. It looks like a number of the pros are so tired or whatever other fake excuses they give, that there are bound to be available spots. I won the MVP award for basketball in 1967 at my high school. No one needs to know that the real MVP that year had a terrible attitude, and the coaches wouldn't dare give him the award. Today he would win it hands down because everyone has a bad attitude! Anyway, I plan to send in the picture of myself holding up the trophy and headlines from our winning games to whoever makes the decision. I hope they don't call for the original papers, since they are almost as yellow as a lemon. I wonder if they would make me wear those really long shorts that drop below the knees?
Who made up the rule that driver's license photos had to make women look like " Throw Mama From The Train" ugly and men look like they had just entered prison as serial ax murderers?I have never met anyone who would accept their picture for any other use. I have a perfect solution, and I bet all of you would ante up the additional tax money to pay for it. Each state license bureau would subcontract the photography part of the license process to one of those companies that does glamour shots ! The patrol officers would be freed up to work on more customers since the lines are 5,000 miles long, and all of us would be much happier that we would look better. Sweetheart, is my tux still in mothballs?
I have a small bone to pick with any company that makes consumable products, and of course that's a bunch. How are we supposed to know how long things are supposed to last or be used up? A case in point is the disposable razor. It's a great invention, but how many times is it supposed to be used before you throw it away? Currently for me, it is when I have to wrap a tourniquet around my neck to stop the bleeding. How many peanut butter and jelly sandwiches should I get from one jar of peanut butter? The list goes on. Of course if all products had such a label, we would need a whole new system to keep track of where we were on the counts. Well, at least we all know how many times you should wear a pair of underwear before you put it in the hamper----- don't we?
I love adjustable hats, the kind with the plastic band and notched holes on the back that allow you to fit the headgear to your own size. I bet some of you even have bosses that have to change the size after every new promotion they get. The real neat thing is that maybe you could buy your six-year old one hat that would last his entire life! Of course there is always a bad flip side to everything it seems. Just imagine the number of warehouses that shut down and jobs that were lost because all of those hats in the past had to be made and stored somewhere. Retail floor space shrunk as a result, too! Oh well---- watch out for adjustable pant legs!
Call someone today that you haven't talked to in a long time, and I mean years not days. You may be amazed with the results! Let me know what happens.
See you later.
Tim
Who made up the rule that driver's license photos had to make women look like " Throw Mama From The Train" ugly and men look like they had just entered prison as serial ax murderers?I have never met anyone who would accept their picture for any other use. I have a perfect solution, and I bet all of you would ante up the additional tax money to pay for it. Each state license bureau would subcontract the photography part of the license process to one of those companies that does glamour shots ! The patrol officers would be freed up to work on more customers since the lines are 5,000 miles long, and all of us would be much happier that we would look better. Sweetheart, is my tux still in mothballs?
I have a small bone to pick with any company that makes consumable products, and of course that's a bunch. How are we supposed to know how long things are supposed to last or be used up? A case in point is the disposable razor. It's a great invention, but how many times is it supposed to be used before you throw it away? Currently for me, it is when I have to wrap a tourniquet around my neck to stop the bleeding. How many peanut butter and jelly sandwiches should I get from one jar of peanut butter? The list goes on. Of course if all products had such a label, we would need a whole new system to keep track of where we were on the counts. Well, at least we all know how many times you should wear a pair of underwear before you put it in the hamper----- don't we?
I love adjustable hats, the kind with the plastic band and notched holes on the back that allow you to fit the headgear to your own size. I bet some of you even have bosses that have to change the size after every new promotion they get. The real neat thing is that maybe you could buy your six-year old one hat that would last his entire life! Of course there is always a bad flip side to everything it seems. Just imagine the number of warehouses that shut down and jobs that were lost because all of those hats in the past had to be made and stored somewhere. Retail floor space shrunk as a result, too! Oh well---- watch out for adjustable pant legs!
Call someone today that you haven't talked to in a long time, and I mean years not days. You may be amazed with the results! Let me know what happens.
See you later.
Tim
