The War Horse

Lucy the WonderDog must have her daily walk which includes her "constitutional" somewhere along the way. In our neighborhood that requires a poop bag to transport the offending matter back to one's own home for disposal. The WonderDog usually does her business just far enough away from the house to create a maximum time that her fragrance must be endured. I have been known to do a "fake" pickup when you make a great production of taking out the bag, fiddling with it, leaning over, and placing it near the "scene of the crime", and tying the bag up all with the poop still in the yard of the unsuspecting neighbor. This tactic creates such a strong feeling of guilt that it must be used only in extreme emergencies. I saw a movie one time about two guys who invented an aerosol spray that would make the "stuff" disappear with one easy application. If we can put a man on the moon, there is hope for the Super Duper No More Pooper Magic Spray! Have a nice stroll.

Do you ever watch the shows where a nice couple flips a house for big money? The show is thirty minutes worth of find house, fix it up, and sell it for two hundred thousand dollars in profits. This always happens! I want the producers to show an episode where the couple lose their butts by that much which is probably what happens more often than not. There would be scenes of the bankruptcy proceedings, subsequent divorce, and job loss with a final shot at the poor house. What a ratings winner!

My eighty-one year old mother has a paper shredder. I am trying to figure out what kind of top secret stuff she destroys in that thing that anybody would want. Of course, we have one too, and I am betting that most households possess one or will soon. The paper shredder company executives have convinced us all that organizations of highly sophisticated criminals are hanging out at the local landfills or even posing as your garbage man to take over all of your credit cards and bank accounts. When they finish pasting together the shredded documents recovered after the midnight raid where they cut through the barbed wire at the dump, sorted through kitchen and bathroom trash and even some "gifts" from the WonderDog (see above), I have a feeling that they will feel very deserving of some of my money. I think robbing a bank would be much more productive and sanitary. By the way, do you shred lengthwise or crosscut?

My friend's wife works the Sudoku puzzle that appears in our local paper daily. So does my youngest niece. For those of you who aren't familiar with these things, the process involves lining up numbers from 1 to 9 in rows, columns, and squares with no number repeated throughout. These maddening puzzles are a diabolical plot of some evil empire to drive us all nuts. I nearly had a mental breakdown working on one labeled "easy". I think that the CIA should use the suckers for agent training or testing." Mary Joyce--- your uncle needs your help please!"

I think that we should all reflect tomorrow on whose methods are most successful--- Democrats, Republicans, or Dr. King. Where's your vote?

See you later.

Tim